El Orfanato (The Orphanage) (2007)
SPAIN/ MEXICO --- horror


Dir: J.A. Bayona

The ghost story goes back countless centuries and throughout nearly all cultures. But the one mainstay in the genre that has successfully worked on audiences is a woman in an old dark house. This particularly goes back to our psychological fears of the dark and the unknown, and using a female gets more empathy than a male. It is refreshing to see new takes on this timeless fright fest, even if it does seem all too familiar. "El Orfanato" explores the sub genre one more time, with the added depth of the indestructible bond of love between a mother and her child.

Laura returns to her childhood home at the seaside Good Shepherd Orphanage. With her husband Carlos and their imaginative son Simon staying with her, they plan to have more special needs children stay with them in their new home. They have been keeping a secret from Simon, who is actually their adopted child and is HIV positive; unbeknownst to him. One day, while walking along the cavernous seashore, Laura and Simon enter a cave when Simon claims to have met a new invisible friend.


This friend named Tomas has been sharing secrets with Simon. All too disturbing to Laura, that they happen to be true. Tomas reveals to Simon that his parents have kept his adoption and illness hidden from him. When he reveals this to Laura through means of well-thought out scavenger hunt, she becomes even more disturbed by this Tomas.


She is soon visited by a mysterious woman named Benigna Escobedo (an interesting name that when translated suggests an ambiguous hint to the intent of this character). She inquires about her plans for the home, and has information on Simon. This Benigna shows up again one night on the property with a shovel in hand, further escalating the intent of this mysterious woman. Later, Laura and Carlos throw a party to invite local special needs kids to see the house. Simon, having his new-found information and foreknowledge given him by Tomas, begins to become a little bit more rebellious and unruly toward Laura. Hiding in a burlap mask, Simon seemingly plays a trick on a Laura by locking her in the bathroom. When she escapes, Simon is nowhere to be found. Laura and Carlos soon cancel all plans and go on an all out search for their missing son, desperate to find him soon as he needs to take his medicine periodically. Their search, however is fruitless, but does begin to unearth some history from Laura's past involving the Good Shepherd Orphanage, and answers to her son's disappearance from beyond the grave.

To explain more in depth about this complex film would spoil the many twists and turns that it has to offer. It's too good to ruin. The legendary Geraldine Chaplin makes an appearance as a medium who, with her team of para-psychologists set-up something out of "Poltergeist" to commune with the spirits in the house. "El Orfanato" is a heartbreaking testament to what can sometimes deter us from the many gifts that life has to offer. The film of course has echoes of classics such as "The Innocents" and "The Haunting", fused with the very real horror of the psychological ramifications of a missing child. This bittersweet ghost story of love, loss, and circumstance is a welcome addition to the pantheons of the genre and will hold up as a classic of its own.

Los Cronocrímenes (Time Crimes) (2007)

SPAIN --- science fiction

Dir: Nacho Vigalondo

We all make mistakes. Whether we got into a car accident or ran a red light. Said something that escalated into an argument. Paid too much for something, when we didn’t really need it. We all have done something stupid and in hindsight had to wonder, what if? What if we turned left instead of right? What if we stayed silent, instead of speaking our mind? In these instances, some of us truly fancy the idea of just what would happen if we literally could go back in time and change those things? On the whole, we know it is impossible. For the man in this film, it isn't.

There have been many a tale of time travel in some form or another, whether it’s Washington Irving's "Rip Van Winkle", Mark Twain's "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court", or HG Wells’ masterpiece "The Time Machine". "Los Cronocrímenes " from director Nacho Vigalondo continues in this tradition, and in great form. One of the issues I have always had with time travel films of any genre, is each film seems to be unto a universe of its own with its own rules about what can and cannot exist. Much like vampire films, where they disregard Bram Stoker’s rules and often branch out into ideas that really push the themes so far, they are no longer about vampires per se. The time travel genre is similar in this regard, and the complications are far more detrimental than vampire films. If you don‘t get it right in establishing the rules in time travel, you don‘t have a plausible story at all. Which may stand to explain why they are few and far between. This film appears to take on the task with unflinching bravado, and in every instance upon multiple viewings, pulls off its story perfectly.

"Los Cronocrímenes" tells the story of a man named Hector who lives with his beautiful wife in a country home they seemingly have just bought and are in the midst of renovating. One day, he is sitting outside his home with a pair of binoculars, and as we've learned from Hitchcock, those are almost always a device of great trouble. Hector sees a woman in the woods just outside his house who seems to be getting unclothed, and as any man, his curiosity is greatly piqued be it through lust or concern. When his wife goes out to town, he ventures into the woods by himself to find out what's going on. Hector finds the young woman lying unconscious in the forest, he gets a little too close and is stabbed in the arm by a mysterious man in bandages and a trenchcoat, sending him in flight for his life. Hector runs until he finds a building to hide out. Hecleans his wounds and searches the place for somebody to help, and eventually comes across a walkie-talkie where he contacts someone for help. On the other end is a young man (played by the director himself Nacho Vigalondo) who works in the building, who comes to help Hector.

Soon Hector is brought into a lab by the man as he explains he's being chased by a crazy masked man. By this time, it's early evening, and eventually, the masked man catches up with Hector as the man tells Hector to get into a circlular pool-like (not a hot tub) machine that closes shut from the top. In seconds he is immersed in the liquid of the machine, and yet the machine opens once again. This time it is daylight outside. Hector stares in wonder as Hector stands by bewildered. he runs outside only to come to the realization it's not just daytime, it's the very same day he is about to live over again. The man explains to Hector that the machine is a time travel prototype, as the two of them try to put their heads together to avoid messing up Hector's life, let alone time itself.

"Los Cronocrímenes" (Time Crimes) is a low budget science fiction film that keeps its concept very simple. It manages to be that as well as a taut Hitchcockian thriller. The director was smart enough to isolate the characters. The less characters and locations involved in a time travel story, the better. The filmmakers create an interesting color scheme. Not so much through cinematography but through wardrobe and production design. Both Hector's wife and the nameless young woman are both wearing red and the van that hits Hector A causing his accident in the first place is . . . you guessed it; red. There's a play on this where Hector A's bandage and makeshift mask is pink from him getting in the milky liquid of the time machine. My suggestion is the red is trying to streamline the people caught in this time paradox, and Hector himself kinda weaves in and out of it for the majority of the film.

La Fatiche di Ercole (Hercules aka The Labours of Hercules) (1958)
ITALY --- fantasy

Dir: Pietro Francisci

Mythological superhero, Hercules (or in Greek known as Heracles), has been around for centuries. Though he's had many contemporaries such as Gilgamesh, Beowulf, and even the Scandanavian Thor, none of their exploits have been as famous as Hercules. The son of Jupiter (or Zeus) and the mortal woman Alcmene, by his very birth, he was an enemy of Hera. Cinema has attempted to capture Hercules' superhuman adventures since the silent film era. He appeared in a 1914 film titled "Cabiria", under the name of Maciste. He also had a completely different appearance, sometimes dressed in contemporary clothing and other times in the typical loin cloth and sandals. Going by Maciste, the character and films slowly but surely began to transform into the sword and sandal Hercules films we know of. In the 60's, to cash in on the success of this very film, Italian filmmakers reused Maciste as well as other characters such as Samson, Goliath, etc. There was really only one Hercules and this film set the standard.

"La Fatiche di Ercole" (aka The Labors of Hercules) stars American bodybuilder beefcake Steve Reeves as the titular demigod in an episodic adventure. When he rescues princess Iole from a runaway chariot, Hercules promises to escort her back to her village of Jolco, if only for her own protection. In a flashback sequence, she retells the events that have turned her village into a place of betrayal and intrigue. Her father, Pelias, and uncle (once King of Jolco) met a platoon on the road including a soldier named Eurysteus, and it is inferred that they know each other. Jolco is home to the golden fleece, which Iole once showed her cousin Jason. Soon the king turns up dead, both Jason and Eurysteus is missing, and her own father claims the throne. Though many believe it was Jason who was responsible since was the direct heir to the throne, some believe differently.

Hercules of Thebes tells her the rumors are that her own father murdered the king to usurp the throne, and that he feels he needs to be with her in Jolco. Meanwhile, an oracle warns king Pelias a stranger with one sandal, just as Hercules enters the scene. Seeing Herc is not the man he was forewarned about, the king invites him in. Hercules offers his help as master-at-arms, and the king needs him to assist and tutor his son, Prince Iphitus.

Eurysteus turns up again in royal clothing talking with King Pelias. We find out they did indeed plot the murder of Pelias' brother for the throne. The bone-headed Prince, however, grows envious and continually rebellious against Hercules as he trains Ulysses and a band of men. Eventually, Iphitus' attitude and stupidity results in his own demise when he's killed by the Nemean Lion. Hercules kills the lion, and when the Jolco soldiers find them, they return to the city to give the king the unfortunate tidings. but the event results in Hercules' banishing by the suggestion of Eurysteus. Hercules then goes off to the oracle and demands the gods he become mortal for the sake of his love for Iole. The gods allow it and soon Hercules goes off on a quest for the Golden Fleece with Jason and the Argonauts as events set into play for Jason to rightfully claim the throne.

This film derives its story on the classic Greek epic poem "Argonautica" by Apollonius Rhodius as well as the myths of Hercules including his infamous twelve labors. Though, it of course, does not stick to the source material much at all due to time constraints. Characters are missing like Hercules' friend Hylas, we see a couple of actual labors, such as the slaying of the Nemean Lion and the capture of the Cretan Bull, and there isn't much emphasis on the Argonauts. It also features some interesting sequences such as a battle with a dinosaur (that sounds all too conspicuously like our Japanese friend Godzilla), a race of vicious monkey men, and a visit with beautiful amazon warrior women.

"Hercules" can make a good companion piece to the '60's Hollywood "Jason and the Argonauts" featuring the sfx work of legendary Ray Harryhausen. Though the perspectives are of course switched out as Hercules takes a back seat as simply a supporting player. It is interesting that many of these Grecian mythological stories seem to have their root in the Hebrew bible. Both Hercules and Jason have their biblical counterparts in Samson and Gideon. It's not so far-fetched, as we well know Jerusalem was under Grecian authority for some time.


"Le Fatiche Di Ercole" was really the first of the 'sword-and-sandal' movies to garner world-wide attention. As for these badly post-dubbed low-budget pepla films, filmmakers like Mario Bava and Sergio Leone cut their teeth on the tales of the brawny oil-soaked heroes of the ancient world. You can almost feel Bava's presence in this film with the staging of the oracle's speech and the Skittle-flavored cinematography. The costuming and art direction is also impressive and looks historically accurate. What's really odd is how much they've lost their appeal these days. I could imagine this genre would be particularly of interest to young ladies, as nearly every film looks like lost footage from a Chippendale club or bachlorette party. Though they are campy fun, I much prefer the Hollywood versions such as "Jason and the Argonauts" if only for Harryhausen's special effects.

Conquest (1983)

ITALY/ SPAIN/ MEXICO --- fantasy

Dir: Lucio Fulci

In my opinion, there were really only three master filmmakers in Italian cinema. Mario Bava, Jacques Tati, and Sergio Leone. Italian cinema is full of genre pieces that have glorified the exploits of their homelands myths such as the Hercules films and sand and sandal gladiator pics. And rightly so, what better kind of film to make to take advantage of the locale. American westerns were made for the same exact reasons. This following film comes at a time when that genre had subsided in Italian cultural popularity, who were used to leeching a genre and doing it to death. Versatile director Lucio Fulci, a basterd step-child of the aforementioned auteurs of Italian cinema, decided to cash in on the international success of CONAN and it's many American copycats. However, he missed the mark big time.

"Conquest" takes place in a distant unknown time period which looks perhistoric one moment, and in the next in the time of Grecian myths. This isn't specified, what is important for the audience to know is the story involves a young hero, named Ilias (you can make connections to the Iliad if you like) who is equipped with a magical bow by villagers. The problem is, besides having a convulted plot, the writers didn't consult any Joseph Campbell inferences here about a boy on a quest. They pretty much just throw the kid out there and say go find yourself. In the meantime, we are shown an evil sorceress with a full metallic face mask and pretty much nothing else, has a premonition of her death by the hands of a boy with a bow. That boy is Ilias, and she dispatches a species of dog soldiers who look like they're wearing $1.98 werewolf costumes to find him. When attacked by the soldiers, lucky for Ilias beefy hero archetype named Mace, comes to his rescue.

As Ilias and Mace bond, he leads him to a village of what looks to be a tribe of neandertals. The ravaging dog soldiers attack the village and kill the love interest of Ilias. I'm going to stop right here, because the rest of the film for me is simply not worth reviewing. I will sum up some of my feelings. Swamp zombies wearing white Hefty cinch-sack garbage bags attack Mace, decapitations galore (in full Fulci style), and the appearance of another villian clad in a suit of bathroom tiles. All to the funky score that sounds like it was put together by a bunch of street performers. This film has made me laugh more than a comedy. Fulci really missed the mark with this one.